I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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