Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
