its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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