First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize