You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
