Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
