Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
