check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
