if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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