I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
