how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Four minutes until I can fart!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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