There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
