he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
