so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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