dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
