I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Little spoons don't ask big questions
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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