he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
