his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
