I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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