I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
