The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
