You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My ass is underappreciated
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
