You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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