so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
not ubering you a puppy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
