I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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