that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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