Your dad touched me again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
