I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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