What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
