So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
