People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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