hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
