I think im going to throw up on grandma
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
