Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
