her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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