OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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