I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
