yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I bet he comes in French.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
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sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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