Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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