I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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