There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
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Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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