I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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