found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
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after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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