I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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