So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
