apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
