Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize