I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize