Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
