Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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