I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
