Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
