who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
