If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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