Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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