he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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