Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
