you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
