trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
