Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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